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| "being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up...these are the best days of our lives." |
| 07.31.04 (6:56 pm) [edit] |
The trip to Montgomery was good. Very comfortable. My daddy cooked dinner for us and we watched all watched a movie together. Friday morning my mommy made us pancakes and then we went shopping. Shopping was unsuccesful. I got a cute watch and a corduroy jacket but that's all. We're going to try again tomorrow.
Work was busy today.
I went over to Moni's to watch Practical Magic with her and Stephanie. We were supposed to have a girl night, but I fell asleep and decided to go home. I've been napping ever since then. I'm beat. I need to get some rest. Plus the alone time is good for me. I've been saying I needed some...here it is.
Things are weird right now. I guess because school is about to start. I've seen some friends this week that I haven't seen all summer and really don't care to see ever again. Makes me realize I have to go back to seeing those people every day for 9 months in a couple weeks. Not excited about this.
I miss compassion.
I want my mommy to come home. I miss her...a lot. This little preview of what it will be like living without my parents isn't happy. I mean I'm excited and all, and I know it's going to be great. I can't wait to live with Moni and have our own place and stuff. I just don't want to leave me mommy. :( We just became friends again. And as dumb as it is I just keep thinking about how my mom doesn't have her mom anymore and I don't want mine to leave me...even if she is only an hour away. I loved going to Montgomery this weekend. I walked into that house and felt at home again. It wasn't like I was walking into a home filled with memories that are gone. I was walking into the place where I grew up and starting a whole new chapter in which I get to make all [i]new[/i] memories. Being with my parents was great. We ate three meals together in two days. We don't ever do that anymore. We just sat around the table and talked and laughed. And then we watched a movie like we used to always do. Now when they're in town they're too tired to do anything...even watch movies with me. I'm just so scared to see my childhood slip away. Justin got so depressed when he moved to San Marcos and didn't get to see Mom and Dad all the time. I'm more attached to Mom and Dad than he is, so I can't imagine what it's going to be like for me.
sigh
I guess this is just what happens when you grow up, eh? I wonder why I seem to be the only one of my friends that feels this way right now. Everyone else can't wait to be out of the house and away from their parents. I just don't want to grow up.
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| bored=quizes :) |
| 07.29.04 (1:39 pm) [edit] |
hahaha...they're back again!
| What makes you laugh?: | i laugh at everything. :) | | Who is your hero?: | my grandmother and justin | | Who would you want to be tied to for 24 hours?: | johnny depp ;) | | How many pairs of shoes do you own?: | over 30, last time i counted | | Seriously... Where does the other sock end up?: | man if you find out...let me know | | Who do you blame for your mood today?: | i dont really have a mood right now | | If the Internet were sex... I would: | what the hell? | | Have you ever seen a dead body?: | yes :( | | What is something scientists need to invent?: | a cure for cancer, already! | | What should we do with stupid people?: | point and laugh? | | Have you ever broken a bone?: | yeah, wrist and finger | | Do you watch local news? Why?: | yes i do, i like to be informed of what's going on. of course new york news is so much better than here though | | What happens after you die?: | reincarnation or heaven | | How big is your bed? Big enough?: | used to be a king...now its a full :( i still like it though. its retro! | | How long do you think you will live?: | 70s? 80s? i dont know. |
Random Thought Provokers brought to you by BZOINK!
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| sunrise, sunset |
| 07.29.04 (12:31 pm) [edit] |
last night was perhaps one of the best nights of my summer :)
monica and i spent the night at caitlin's. at about midnight we took a road trip to taco cabana and then mcdonalds for icecream. we then decided to go around and write people poems and put them on their cars. they were all quite hilarious, i must say :) however, they were probably funnier to us than to the people reading them. it was a process, and it was awesome.
we stayed up ALL night. at about 6 we went outside and watched the sunrise. in that moment, i found god again. i looked in the pink clouds and saw him staring back at me. i imagine moni and cait were pretty confused when i said "that cloud looks like god." but it happens. i prayed...for the first time in a while. and it wasn't to ask him for something or to make something better. i actually thanked him. i can't remember the last time i did that. it was an awesome feeling. i miss that feeling. granted, its not like i'm going to go back to the way i was, and its not like i automatically have this wonderfully close relationship with god again...but wow. the other day i was talking to ryan about my spiritual problems. he just told me to pray about it. i did...and this happened a few days later. i dont know. maybe its just me being crazy, but i honestly think that was god telling me it's going to be okay. that was him saying, i'm still here for you and i'm waiting.
*happy sigh* :)
i want to talk to momo now! well i kind of already am. i'm sure she's crazy happy to know what happened this morning.
the sky was absolutely beautiful this morning. it went from pink, to orange, to red, to orange again, to purple, to blue. all in about an hour long span. so gorgeous.
the last time i saw the sunrise was in galveston with momo :D she watched the sun rise every single morning, whether she was in galveston, at home, at her sister's house...wherever. she always woke up, sat outside with a cup of coffee and waited for the sun to appear. it was a rare occasion that i joined her, but when i did it was beautiful...because of the sunrise and because of her. :)
absolutely beautiful.
i love you...forever and for always.
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| your skin is like porcelain |
| 07.28.04 (8:47 pm) [edit] |
Hey, you've got a lot of nerve to show your face around here.
Hey, you've got a lot of nerve to dredge up all my fears.
[b]Well, I wish I could shake some sense into you and walk out the door.[/b]
[b]But your skin is like porcelain.[/b]
Yeah, your skin is like porcelain.
Just the other day I felt I had you by a string.
[b]Just the other day I felt we could be everything.
But now when I see you, you're somebody else.
In somebody's eyes and your skin...[/b]
But your skin is like porcelain.
Yeah, your skin is like porcelain.
[b]I don't know what I'm saying.
Well, I don't know if you're there.
In the words you are feigning.
Do you even care?[/b]
Well I wish I could kill you,
savor the sight.
Get in to my car, drive into the night.
[b]Then lie as I scream to the heavens above.
That I was the last one you ever loved[/b].
Yes, your skin is like porcelain.
[b]But your skin is like porcelain.
Yeah, your skin is like porcelain.[/b]
gah...i still love you.
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| Caitlinguini |
| 07.28.04 (8:33 pm) [edit] |
I'm at Caitlin's house. :shock:
Monica and I are spending the night here. 8)
I love these two girls! :)
We went and got snocones tonight. They were tasty as usual. But once someone showed up that I knew, we were out of there. tehe :o
We came back here and just hung out on the bed...slutty! not really though... :? :)
now we're listening to pretty DJ Sammy music...hence the new song in here.
I'm gonna go... :roll:
I LOVE YOU!!!! :!: :wink:
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| sweet baby james |
| 07.28.04 (3:40 pm) [edit] |
I woke up early today to go to my massage. It was great. I had so many knots. Much more than last time. It hurt so bad, but it was a good hurt...strange. I came home, watched soaps, drank tea, ate macaroni that my mommy made for me :), and then I fell asleep. I woke up about five because Daddy made dinner.
I was supposed to hang out with Killi tonight, but I just called and he said he has to go to dinner at some friend-of-the-family's house. :( I'm very sad. I was looking forward to my time alone with Killbill. We hardly ever spend any time alone. There are always other people around, so I was really happy that I got his attention for tonight. But oh well, we'll do it some other time.
My parents leave tomorrow. Monica and I are going to go down there after I get off work, spend the night, and then shop in the Woodlands on Friday. :) I'm mucho excited. My parents are giving me money for school clothes, so that'll make it even better.
It would be good for me to just stay home tonight and spend some time with myself, but I'm feeling lonely and want to see other people. I guess I've been so down the last couple days that I'm really excited to be happy and want to share it with someone. However, everyone seems to be busy tonight for some odd reason.
eh well...it happens.
i'm still happy today, so its cool :)
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| under you |
| 07.27.04 (10:46 pm) [edit] |
just so this is clear. Preston and Caitlin: This is the best sex song ever. I win.
Better Than Ezra: Under You
Along the edges, colors blur at seem familiar.
While you read your magazine,
I was counting all the markers.
And California seemed to draw you like a siren
From a postcard, in a letter, or a frame of film melting.
[b]Under you, I feel your breath move in, out slowly.
Under you, let go completely feeling you take over me.
Take over me.[/b]
A Hollywood flat where we'd laugh about our fortunes
Well we had jobs in this bar down at 3rd and San Vicente.
[b]And Ramen Noodles at 4:30 in the morning,
When we barely could survive, I was never more alive.[/b]
[b]Under you, I feel your blood flowing out slowly.
Under you, let go completely feeling you take over me.
Take over me.[/b]
[b]You moved in slow degrees
A sudden memory[/b]
You're a Leonard Cohen song
[b]But every now and then I'd swear I see you standing on a sidewalk,
In a restaurant, from a taxi passing by.[/b]
Under you I feel your breath move in, out slowly.
Under you let go completely feeling you take over me.
Take over me
Take over me
...I totally win.
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| i hate you sometimes |
| 07.27.04 (10:39 pm) [edit] |
the beginning of today sucked. it got a lot better before it got worse again.
i went and got icecream with caitlin at the new 32 degrees in bryan. that was fun. then we came back here and just chilled for a bit. preston came and we hung out and made pancakes and talked and stuff. i love hanging out with those two. they gang up on me and make fun of me...but its cool bc i know its in good fun :) at about one my dad came in and told me i had to "get rid of them." i has a very pissed little girl. then after they're gone he decides to come out again and lecture me about how i'm "taking things too far" and blah blah fuckin blah. i'm mad at him right now...he's been a dickface since they got back in town. i'm ready for them to leave again. not so much my mom, but my dad could definitely be gone for a bit longer.
liz left me a present :) it was an abercrombie bag with kleenex (bc my blog has been so sad lately), tummy pops (bc my tummy hurts), a rose (bc she loves me), and a movie to make me feel better :) she left me messages saying to go outside and wehn i did...there was the bag. it made me very very very happy. i almost cried. i love my lizzymart :)
*sigh*
things have just been so weird lately. i have a great time when i'm with my friends, but once they're gone i'm back down again. i've been neglecting quite a few of my friends also. i dont mean to be a bitch...it just happens sometimes. i dont know why. i've been extra touchy and easily annoyed.
i think tomorrow after my massage i'm going to come back home, get in pjs and spend a few hours just sitting and watching movies. perhaps i'll do it all day. i have to get up at night bc killbill and i have plans...but thats cool bc it'll be fun as always :)
i really need to talk to my brother. he is supposed to call me sometime this week. maybe i'll break down and call him first.
i feel really bad that i had to kick caitlin and preston out. i've never had to do that before. i'm sure they'll forgive me :P i still feel bad though.
"what a feeling of vulnerability coming over me, and i'm feeling weak, and i can't sleep."
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| pick me up now...i need you so bad |
| 07.27.04 (3:40 pm) [edit] |
*i cried again today...most of the day
*my boss asked me if i was okay...i started crying again
*i'm sick. my stomach has hurt since dinner yesterday. daddy said his stomach hurts too...he thinks we might have a virus
*i'm sick of superficial friends
*i still can't figure out why i'm so upset right now...perhaps i've been handling everything so well that it was bound to happen at some point. maybe everything is just collapsing at once.
*school starts in three weeks...i'm unhappy about this.
*i hung out with laura last night...i like her.
*i have blink 182 stuck in my head...i like it.
*i hope it rains tonight while preston, caitlin and i are looking at the stars. that would be perfect.
*i'm hungry, but i feel like i would throw up if i tried to eat.
*i wonder if he's bad for me. perhaps he's triggering some of this.
*mom is in montgomery for the day. it's weird having just me and daddy at home. it feels lonely. more lonely than when i'm here alone.
*i miss my mommy
*today summer told me that quite a few people have told her that i am exactly like my mom. that made me smile
*last night i talked to ryan about god and church. he helped a lot. i still don't know what to do...but i prayed about it last night. thats a step in the right direction, i think.
*"tell me lies. slap me on the face. just improvise. do something really clever that'll make me hate your name forever....but i can't help it if i'm just a fool. always having my heart set on you. 'til the time you start changing the rules. i'll keep chasing the soles of your shoes. ah...fool."
*that song reminds me of you...
*"bleeding is breathing"...does that mean pain is life?
*i want to feel my heart race when you touch me :)
*i think icecream is a good thing to have tonight. perhaps caitlin and i can go get some.
*i still love you. why?
*i'll always be here...
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| when i kiss your mouth i wanna taste it |
| 07.26.04 (11:43 pm) [edit] |
*i want you to kiss me. i want you to mean it.
*i cried a lot today. i'm dehydrated now.
*today is the 7 month anniversary of my grandmother's death. that wasn't an easy realization.
*i want to look at the stars forever. i want to hold them in my hands. then i want to put them in a jar and keep them on my shelf until the day i die.
*"until the day i die i'll spill my heart for you"
*recently i've decided that i really miss some of my old friends. preston in particular.
*i went to cheddars with monica today. we checked out guys butts. it was fun. i love my moni.
*andrew gave me a hug tonight. normally i hug him...it made me sad to realize that.
*i love killian. as much as i get upset with him sometimes...he's one of the best friends i've ever had. he knows that.
*i'm glad my mommy and daddy are home. i hugged them so much today. i missed them a lot this weekend..for some reason.
*one of the most beautiful things in the world is sleep. i was holding zoey while she slept the other night...now i'm watching my cats sleep. such a peaceful and innocent thing.
*sigh*
*something's been weird this week. i've been extra emotional. i dont know why.
*i've been talking to ryan more recently. i love that boy. what a great friend. no matter how long we go without talking, i can still talk to him about anything.
*BioFreeze is my new best friend :)
*I'm getting a massage on wednesday morning...its about damn time. my spine is pulled over to the right again...
*I have a very busy week this week...I have plans for every day already. I'm very excited about it for some reason.
*I had a dream about a boy from my past last night. Then I saw him driving today. He was wearing the same shirt today as he was in the dream...odd.
*I feel as if something great is about to happen. Change is just around the river bend...beyond the shore :) somewhere past the sea. don't know what for. why do all my dreams extend just around the river bend?
*i love pocahontas :lol:
*i wish you were here.
*i want to be in love.
*but i dont know any boy worthy of that particular emotion at this point.
*i miss my parents. :(
*do you ever just cry and you don't know why?
*i do
*i wish that wishes wished on shooting stars came true.
*i wish you knew i was wishing about you
*i'm sorry if i hurt you...i do that from time to time.
*i love you...more than you'll ever know.
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| unplanned excitment |
| 07.25.04 (9:54 pm) [edit] |
today i woke up thinking monica and i were going to montgomery to eat dinner with my parents. we've had it planned since wednesday and we were both pretty excited about going. but because of the storms both here and there, our parents told us they thought it would be better if we went some other time. so we're going next weekend. we were going to go shopping in the woodlands next weekend anyway...so we'll just make a stop in montgomery and chill with my parents for a while. it'll be good.
so instead...we went over to drew's house and watched school of rock with his family and killian. then drewphus, killico, moni and i came back here and made pizza and watched practical magic. it was really fun...being with three of my best friends in the world and just hanging out. i dont know when the last time that happened was.
andrew and i raced on the way back to town. of course he won...but i put up a good fight :) once he was in front of me i kept my brights on to be a pain in the ass. i think it worked nicely.
my parents come home in the morning. i'm glad. i miss my mommy. for some reason i felt like talking to her a lot this weekend. i called her every day...sometimes twice a day. i dunno what was up with that. i also called justin twice this weekend. i think i just needed my family this weekend...not really sure why. perhaps because i've been feeling so weird and down. the only people i've wanted to be around were my absolute best friends and my family. i didnt really want to see anyone that i wasn't insanely close to. some nights i hung out with people that i'm just plain old friends with...but mostly i just wanted to be with the people i loved most. who knows...i just go through these little spells sometimes.
i wanted to see momo tonight. i talked to her a lot. i almost started crying a few times during the movie. i didnt though because i didnt want andrew, kill or moni to worry about me. because its not like they NEED to worry about me. i'm fine...sometimes i just need to cry. sometimes i just need to talk to the person that means the most to me...so tonight i just talked to her in my head while they were here. i can't decide if that's weird or not. i can't stop thinking about that dream from the other night. sometimes i can still feel her hugging me. i can still look into her eyes and see the love she has for me. one of my favorite things in the world to do was just talk to her...and thats what we did in the dream. its like i got my chance to do it again...to have her answer me when i talked to her. i wish she would talk to me right now. i want to dream about her again. i miss her so much. things are so much better now. i'm so much better...but i still miss her. some days are worse than others. i just miss her so much it hurts sometimes, ya know. but once i'm done crying and done wishing she was here...there's just this comforting feeling that tells me everything's okay. and i just sit there and smile because i know its all going to be alright.
at least i'm getting better. i dont cry NEARLY as often as i used to. i used to cry almost every day. i've got it down to about once a week now. some days i dont even think about it. most days i think about it a lot...but its happy instead of sad. i can talk about her without being sad too...thats a new thing. i'm making it. day by day i'm moving on with my life.
"please dont leave me without saying goodbye....without saying goodbye."
i got my chance to say goodbye. thats all that matters.
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| bleh |
| 07.24.04 (11:05 am) [edit] |
i'm bored and i'm tired. i'm at work.
i haven't gotten much sleep lately. i've stayed up until 6 twice this week...every other night it's been about 3 or so. and i always wake up early, so i'm tired. all the time.
i have to babysit my boss's kids tonight. not looking forward to it. summer said it will probably be until about 2 in the morning. i hope i dont fall asleep.
i'm looking forward to tomorrow, though. monica and i are going to montgomery to see my parents and eat lunch with them. my mom had the idea of us spending the night and then shopping in the woodlands on monday...but monica has a dentist appointment. maybe we can do it next weekend when my parents give me money for school shopping.
my mom decided that this year for my school clothes her and my dad are going to figure out an amount of money, give me the cash and make me go buy everything...to teach me responsibility and whatnot. there has been a lot of that responsibility teaching lately. crazy kids. i <3 them very much :)>
my mom and i are trying to figure out a way to go to galveston. we haven't been this year and i don't want to break the tradition. so we were thinking maybe her, monica and i could all go together. i think it would be fun if daddy went too. that way we coud take our own car, spend time with my parents, but still have time to go out alone and have fun like last year. dont know if daddy would want to though. i should pitch this idea to mom and see what she thinks.
i think i need to start spending some of my time when my parents are gone alone. i havent really had any of that alone time in quite a while...perhaps that is why i've been feeling so down lately. i mean there could be lots of reasons, but that could definitely have something to do with it. i have to have time alone once in a while to sort through my thoughts and just rest. i'm alone all the time at work, but i'm at work...so i cant really relax and have "me" time.
i also need to have some time with just monica. we haven't had that in a while. every time we get into a meaningful conversation we're in the car so it doesn't last long...or someone else shows up and we have to stop talking about stuff. i just need to be alone with my best friend and spend REAL time with her, ya know? i think our drive to montgomery and back tomorrow will be good for us. we always have the best times just driving to places...like galveston :)
this entry is getting long but i still feel like typing. sorry.
i think i want a boyfriend...kind of. i just miss the passion. a few weeks ago i was talking to hilly about the last time i kissed someone and meant it. i wanna MEAN it. i think i've talked about this recently. oh well. it's still on my mind. i just want fireworks, ya know? i want to meet someone new and be completely head over heels and anticipate the first kiss and then when it happens go weak in the knees. that hasnt happened in SO long. i want to meet someone who i see as perfect for a while and think about only them. and then...when i realize the person has flaws...i want to love those flaws and love the fact that he isn't perfect. i want a fairy tale. i always have. ever since i was a kid and i watched pocahontas...i wanted to be like her and john smith. or like beauty and the beast. or cinderella and prince charming...ariel and prince eric. it's so unrealistic, but that's all i wanted when i was little. a prince charming. my very own john smith.
i'm afraid of going back to school. i always am right about this time. i start thinking about all those people that i haven't seen all summer and that i dont WANT to see anymore. i dont want to have to face them and talk to them and be polite when i don't feel like it. i love summer time because if i dont feel like hanging out with people that i have to be witty around...i dont have to. if i just want to sit with monica or liz or killian and just be stupid and not have to talk about anything real...i can. but once school starts i have to be nice to people that i dont like and witty around people i dont feel like talking to.
i can be such a bitch sometimes.
at least i have people who love me and dont care :)
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| for courtney :) |
| 07.23.04 (2:15 pm) [edit] |
hey court..i couldnt find that janet jackson song, but i decided to put a crazy, cheesy rap song on just for you. hope you enjoy :)
let me know what else you kids want to hear on my blog.
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| chiquita banana |
| 07.23.04 (10:01 am) [edit] |
yesterday was all in all a good day. i woke up and cleaned a bit, watched soaps with my mommy, took a shower and then mom and i went to walmart where we made fun of all the people there. it was great fun :) monica came over and we were in a lets-just-sit-and-do-noth ing mood, so we watched 50 first dates and felt sorry for ourselves for not having boyfriends...you know, that old thing. around 11 liz came over and brought garrett childs with her...never met the kid before but whatever. he stuck around for about an hour and then went home. liz spent the night. we started to watch Lost in Translation but I fell asleep...until preston called at like 3 am. dont know why...guess bc my away message said to call. hehe. so i talked to preston for like 2 freakin hours...i havent done that in FOREVER. i dont really talk on the phone much anymore. but it was good. i like talking to preston...i think he's trying to get to know me again or something bc we havent really spoken much in the last couple years. who knows.
so i finally went to bed around 6 am. woke up to the phone ringing a few times...never answered it. one time it was liz's mom at 7:30 in the morning. wonder what that was about. there's no telling.
i have to go to work today at 3. i get off at 6 so it's not that bad...but i just dont want to do it today. i'm going to take Case For Christ with me. I borrowed it from Killian quite some time ago and haven't started it yet. But talking to Preston last night motivated me to read it.
I decided that I miss having a good relationship with God. I don't miss church. I don't miss the people. I don't miss the hypocricy and the judgment. I just miss my relationship with God. I miss praying all the time and feeling safe and not worrying about how bad of a person I am. I've made a lot of bad choices over the last six months or so. I honestly don't think I'm going to STOP doing most of these things...but at least I've become aware of them and can WORK on it. I'm looking at it differently than I would have before, I think. When I went to church I would have just said "i can NEVER do this! this is SINFUL AND WRONG!" now I realize that it's bad and could be potentially harmful, but I'm going to take it a step at a time. I have an addictive personality and I can't just cut something out of my life altogether and expect it to stay gone for more than a couple months or so.
You know, I worry about myself sometimes...about the choices I'm making and the direction my life is heading. I used to look down on all those "drinking, pot smoking kids" and now look at me. I'm one of them. When did my standards drop so low? Have I just lost ALL respect for myself and my life? Or is it just something everyone does a few times and then it's over? Or am I going to become a pothead and an alcoholic and want it all the time? Those are scary questions...at least to me they are.
I guess I just don't know what's happening with my life. I need to get control of what I do and gain perspective on where I stand on certain issues. I just don't know...
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| survey!! |
| 07.22.04 (8:00 am) [edit] |
i haven't done one of thsee in forever...i'm sorry. :)
i stole it from laura by the way. :)
FIRSTS
First best friend: ummm...up until jr high i had a different best friend every year. but the one's i really COUNT as being my first real best friends are erin and celisse.
First screen name: oh god...i have no idea. something stupid with like hotty or qtpi or some crap like that, i'm sure.
First funeral: my great grandma...dont really remember it though
First pets: first i can remember was patches the cat
First credit card: had one when i turned 16...but i used it when i wasnt supposed to so mom and dad took it away. imagine that. hehe
LASTS:
Last car ride: home from the festivities last night
Last library book checked out: i dont go to the library anymore. can't remember the last time i did. last book BOUGHT: The DaVinci Code...can't wait to read it. gotta get started on that. hehe
Last movie seen: 50 first dates..last night
Last beverage drank: umm...sprite?
Last food consumed: string cheese :)
Last phone call: either monica or liz...they're the only ones i call on a regular basis
Last time showered:yesterday...give me a break i just woke up! :)
Last shoes worn: my duct taped flip flops of course!
Last cd played: brand new-deja entendu
Last item bought: other than food? i guess lauren's bday presents
Last annoyance: being a freakin girl and being moody when i cant control it! gah!
Last disappointment: my reading last night? not so much a disappointment...just not what i expected
Last shirt worn: marcon cabinets shirt
under your bed?: my thing that holds all my tapes from when i was a young'n and we didnt listen to cds.
Where do you want to go?: to galveston with monica...get away from the rest of the world and be in our place.
What is your career going to be?: oh i cant decide! so many options.
where are you going to live?: here for a while...who knows after that
How many kids do you want?: 2 or 3. no more, no less :)
What kind of car(s): rx8, corvette, hummer, escalade, the new lexus hard top convertible...so many!
Current mood: groggy? just woke up...
Current taste: grossness bc i havent brushed my teeth yet
Current hair: ponytail. sure it looks wonderful after sleeping on it. havent checked yet :)
Current longing: to kiss someone and MEAN it...i kiss people but i miss the passion. gah.
Current desktop picture: pocahontas, man!!!
Current favorite artist: you mean musical artist? better than ezra (of course...they're my favorite), brand new, something corporate, the starting line, story of the year, ataris, so much goodness to choose from!
Current hate: being 17...i want to be 18...or 21
My name is: amy
I may seem: outgoing
But really I'm: incredibly insecure
In the morning I: want to lay in bed for hours and enjoy the warmth of the blanket without anyone but my cat interupting my peace
I like to sleep: in a gigantic bed, past noon
If I could be doing anything right now I would be: driving to galveston with monica
Money is: my closest friend and my most hated enemy. i worry about money too much
One thing I wish I had is: my grandma back... :?
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| momo |
| 07.21.04 (10:32 am) [edit] |
i had a dream about momo last night. it was really strange. i dont remember everything that happened. i just know that we were all in her house...like the ENTIRE family. cousins, second cousins, distant uncles, everything. there was a wedding. momo came...and i talked to her for a long time. i asked her if she was around me a lot of the time. she said she was. i asked if she was the one that makes my lamp shade move in the middle of the night. she said she was. i wonder what she was trying to tell me in this dream. i know there was a reason for it. i got the main things out of it...like it hurts but it'll be ok (bc i was bleeding in the dream and she made it better) and you know theother stuff like that that i've already figured out. but there had to be more to it, and i can't figure it out. what is she trying to tell me? there's so much that it could be.
the good thing though is i'm not sad about it. i kept hugging her over and over in the dream. all i've wanted to do since she died was give her a hug...so when i saw her in the dream i did. i didnt stop until i woke up. it was good holding her. i can still feel it...i miss that feeling. but it was great to be able to hug her...even if it wasnt real. it was as real as it gets, i guess. i just wish i knew what she was trying to tell me.
hard to believe it's been almost 7 months since she died. i can't decide if it seems like forever ago or like yesterday...its kinda both. but i've made so much progress since then. just the past couple months i've gotten so much better. i think she had a lot to do with that.
:) i love her...perhaps more than ever, if thats possible.
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| icecream is my friend |
| 07.20.04 (9:48 pm) [edit] |
sooo...today was good. i woke up around 12-ish. hung around the house for a bit, cleaned, talked to my parents. then i went and got liz and we went to the mall and then to shivers where we met monica. then to walmart and back to monica's house. liz was tired so we took her home and moni and i went back to my house and ate cheesecake and watched sex and the city :) then we got all emo-ish and decided we had to get out of the house. so we picked up liz and went to hill's where we watched the end of dirty dancing with hill and bundy mommy. then we danced around the couch and talked about vibrators and thongs...it was good fun. the boys showed up (the boys being killbill, andrew, bj, david, and jacky-poo:)) sooo...we just hung out and talked and it was great fun. woot. now i'm at liz's eating ice cream and drinking sprite. woot.
i have to go back to work tomorrow...not really excited about that. i havent worked since saturday. but i need the money, so its cool. plus i'm only working three hours tomorrow and its afternoon so thats good.
i hung out with preston the other night. that was fun. it was good to hang out with him...it had been a while. we watched 50 first dates and stuff. woot for old friends:)
oh....liz is hot :)
she has bangs now. she got her hair cut and she thinks its ugly but its really not. she's just stupid and has to complain about SOMETHING...so she's using her hair as an excuse :) silly kid. i was kidding by the way... but still...her hair is cute.
i think thats all for now...there was other stuff i wanted to talk about but i can't remember it right now and this entry is already really long. hokay...bye!
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| two turn tables and a microphone |
| 07.19.04 (6:37 pm) [edit] |
its been a good day:) i didn't wake up until 2 bc i went to bed at 6 this morning. preston left around 5:30...silly boy. so i woke up at 2, talked to my mom for a bit and then went and picked up monica. we went by my work, picked up liz, got snokones and then went to killbills. we hung out there for a bit, took a trip to mcdonalds, went back to kill's and now we're here. actually liz and monica are here...we're waiting on david and killian to get here. we're going to shoot firecrackers and stuff. :)
well i'm off...they'll be here soon and we're going to play with FIRE! :)
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| odd... |
| 07.19.04 (12:05 am) [edit] |
so i went and hung out with hillary and courtney tonight...it was fun, as always. good chicks those two. courtney had to leave at midnight so i went and hung out with killian and andrew in killbill's room. that was also fun as usual. nothing out of the ordinary happened. killian and i went and picked up liz at like 1 and ate tacos at her house. that was pretty exciting. liz and i left around 2:30 bc liz had to get home.
so i get home and preston messages me (which is odd in the first place bc we dont talk much anymore...and he doesnt ever message me first if we do) and he's like "so now you come over here" i was like...wait what? i was like ya know i dont have much gas why dont you come over here. so he is. very strange and random. but i love preston and its been forever since i've seen him so its exciting. we used to be like best friends back in the day...not like BEST BEST friends but we were REALLY close for a while. then i guess he went out with mary and i kinda did my own thing so we grew apart. we hung out a few times after they broke up, but never really got back in the swing of things. i'm sure this will just be one of those random times we hang out, but its good to see old friends. he did ask me not to drink while he was here though...i was like, dude...do people really think that i'm a little alcoholic? made me sad that we would think he had to ask that. i mean i hardly ever drink anyway. i guess preston just doesnt know. i hope people dont think i'm like that. its just an occasional thing...i'm not an alcoholic and i hate what it does to people. just a little thought...
anyway...he'll be here soon so yeah. bye kids. :)
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| work work work |
| 07.18.04 (2:39 pm) [edit] |
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so i've decided that i'm going to take an off period in the morning and one in the afternoon instead of both in the morning so that i can get an extra hour of work in every day. what is happening to me? i'm thinking about jobs and the future and living and money..this is wrong. its SO not me. i gotta go talk to my counselor and straighten some things out with my schedule. i think i might take honors english instead of AP also. i dont know. i need to talk to mrs. coleman and see what she thinks. my mom's gonna say "i told ya so." silly woman.
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| wootaloot |
| 07.18.04 (12:52 pm) [edit] |
yesterday was mucho fun.
after work i met liz and monica at liz's house and we went to lauren's bday party. it was fun. the bands were good. BOS did good and i LOVE their new song!!! :)
after the partay we came back here and got semi-prettied up...basically we just tried to look less sweaty and gross...and then we went and got snokones. monica had to go home so liz and i came back here for a bit and then went to killians and hung out with bj, andrew, hill and some of the time killian...but he was on the phone most of the time.
after killian's we came back here and just hung out for a bit...went to bed at 4. woke up at 1:30 and lazed for a bit. i made pancakes and we just ate breakfast.
i wonder what we'll do today. i love that the day is just beginning for me and its like 4:00. :) thats awesome.
courtney said its "hang out with courtney night" tonight. :) so that means i get to have fun with that crazy kid tonight. perhaps i should find some money and put gas in my car. that would be a good idea. that way we can actually do something. hehe
hokay well..i'm off. i'm gonna take a shower soon bc i'm grossie.
<3333333 love!>
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| hello young'ns |
| 07.17.04 (7:24 am) [edit] |
yesterday was good...i was so freaking tired though. i didn't sleep much thursday night and i really wanted to take a nap during the day but liz wouldn't let me. so yesterday liz and i went to killian's house to see hill and kill...hehe i like it. (its like phil and lil off rugrats:)) anyway...we were there for a bit and then liz, killian and i went to get snokones. then we went to davids party. i guess i stayed for an hour and a half or so when monica called and wanted to do lauren's birthday stuff. liz wanted to stay at the party so i made sure she had a ride home and then i went home and cleaned for a while until monica got there. we watched a whole lot of south park and put together lauren's birthday stuff. she left about midnight and i went to sleep. out of habit i put on a movie before going to bed, but i dont even remember getting through the opening credits...i was so tired.
blue (the cat...i'm still home alone) woke me up at about 5 this morning wanting to get out of my room. i opened the door and there was a giant scorpion crawling in the hallway. that's the third one i've found in the last few days. thursday alex found two. one on the living room floor and one in the kitchen sink...i'm a little frightened. perhaps we should call the exterminator. i should probably tell my parents. i've only talked to them once since they've been gone.
oh, so these people came to look at the house on thursday and apparently they are VERY interested in it. i hope they buy it...then i won't have to make sure the house is spotless before i go anywhere. i like the house being clean but i hate that it has to be PERFECT all the time. the only problem with the house selling so fast is that we haven't even started construction on the new house yet. we have the land, but daddy is still working on changing up the house plan...so it'll be another 6 or 7 months until we get to move into the new house. that means we're gonna have to find something else to live in until then...which i'm afraid is going to be a duplex or something. hopefully we'll just rent a tiny house...that would be good. but at the same time its not that big of a deal bc my parents are out of town every weekend for four days...so i'll be living by myself half the time. so it's not like i'll be sharing a tiny space with them and they'll be driving me crazy. and i'm really looking forward to living IN TOWN for a few months. my cell phone will work and i won't buy as much gas...woot for that.
anyway...i guess i should get to working. have a good one, kids.
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| drunken stuper |
| 07.16.04 (10:53 am) [edit] |
yaaaaaayyy! last night was fun. i can't remember it all...it was awesome though. we got all pretty and went out at like 12. but then we ended up coming back here with bretticuss and alexicuss. they spent the night too. so it was me, liz, monica, brett and alex. we had a lot of fun:) brett got really sick...i didn't though. monica and i had a good time. then we all flashed. wow its all so scrambled...but such a good time!
we woke up this morning and brett was like..."why was i in the bathroom and where are my clothes?" it was awesome. monica had to leave. the boys left. liz went home and got clothes and stuff and she's here again. she's taking a shower and i think we're gonna cook hamburgers later. or something with ground beef...we dont have a lot of food and all my money is gone.
hanyway...i'm gonna take a shower bc i smell like nasty.
ok bye!
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| You people didn't believe me... |
| 07.15.04 (6:37 pm) [edit] |
I TOLD you I'm Pocahontas! We are one...and John Smith will be mine! :)
Take the quiz: "What Disney Princess Are You?"
Pocahontas
A free spirite of sorts. My favorite Disney princess...you're so brave!
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| wootaloot |
| 07.15.04 (1:56 pm) [edit] |
last night i hung out with liz. it was mucho fun...i hadn't seen her in forever. well like 5 days but still. i'm used to seeing her every day. we ate at freebirds and then got snocones. then she came over here and i dyed her hair..i like it. then we drove around and ended up at sweets where i saw some old friends from church. liz saw nick and tim so we hung out with them for a bit...funny boys they is. then we went to liz's house but i was in a lot of pain to i came home pretty quickly. one of my ribs was popped out...not comfortable.
so today i had three dr. appts right in a row. it was NOT fun. first i had an appt at the women's center...always a blast. they're nice people, i just dont like having to go. then i went to the chiropracter to get my rib popped back in...it hurt so good. :) then i went to a quick lunch with my parents and then went to the dentist because part of one of my teeth broke off and i had to get them to fix that. so i've had a day filled with doctors and i don't wanna anymore. except i have to go back to all three of them within the next month or so...woot for that. oh wait...
anyway, monica and i are going shopping for lauren's bday tonight! i'm excited. i think we might meet brad and kent tonight too...i'm not sure if thats tonight or later this weekend. i'll have to ask liz. my parents are out of town until monday so it doesnt really matter which day, i guess.
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| Dude! No! |
| 07.14.04 (6:06 am) [edit] |
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OK Amy is a very unhappy little girl. The tblog people tricked me and now I'm mad. So I go to my blog to see if I have comments and it's back to having the old colors and not so prettyness...so I go to see what's up and why my template isn't working and guess what...in order to edit my html and use custom templates I have to upgrade my account to Pro for $15. Amy is VERY unhappy. I dont WANT to do that. I don't have a credit card to do it anyway. What kind of bullshit...it was so pretty and it had martinis and now they're gone! AHHHH I hate tricky internet people! What a way to start off my morning...I'm pissed.
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| I'm beautiful like me :) |
| 07.13.04 (9:30 pm) [edit] |
Tonight was lots of fun! :) I went to Gumby's where I met up with Hillary, Scottie, Monica and Courtney. We ate and then we went to HEB to buy cupcakes. Then we went to sweets (blah) for a bit and it was boring but fun. Then Scottie went home and the rest of us came to my house. We just hung out in my room and talked about random stuff. It was mucho fun. So Courtney decide that we're hungry and we all pile in my car and listen to fun music and go to Taco Cabana. Then we took Hillary home and Moni, Court and I drove back to my house listening to really old rap/dance music and it was tons of fun. That Courtney is a silly kid. I like hanging out with her...she makes me giggle! :) We will be hanging out more, no doubt.
I always have the most fun just driving around with my friends and listening to loud music. I find peace in the car for some reason. Even if I'm laughing and screaming it's still just peaceful. Like all the stress of the world is lifted and I can just enjoy myself and be crazy and race with other cars and laugh at the freaky people that stare at us at stop lights. :) It's great.
Tonight was one of the best nights of the summer. I've gotten closer to quite a few people this summer that I never really expected to be that good of friends with. Like Liz and Hill and now Court. It makes me happy. Summer time is awesome because you get to grow close with all new people and spend tons of time with the people you've loved forever. :)
I love summer time :)
And I love you :)
...even if I don't always act like it sometimes.
8) best ever
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| here's to the night |
| 07.13.04 (12:45 pm) [edit] |
I was driving last night and I popped in an old cd that I hadn't listened to in at least a year or two. It was a "party mix" i had made for a party in jr high or freshman year, i'm sure. I was flipping through listening to some crazy stuff like K.C. and JoJo and Nelly...and then Here's to the night by Eve 6 comes on. And it hits me...childhood is over. I have a year until I'm out on my own. Listening to that song I couldn't help but think back to one summer when Erin, Celisse, Emily and I were still in our little group. One night we spent the night at Celisse's and we were out swimming in the pool listening to music watching the stars and that song came on. I think that moment meant something special to each one of us. To me, it was just great to be with my best friends. I appreciated them more than ever in that moment. Now, thinking back...we weren't concerned about graduation at all. How was I to know that that song would spark feelings of excitement and fear years later? It's terrifying. What am I supposed to do when I move out? I've been my daddy's little girl for the last 17 years and thats about to be over. I'll still be their baby, but I'm growing up, and that's scary.
Here's to the nights we felt alive
Here's to the tears you knew you'd cry
Here's to goodbye
Tomorrow's gonna come too soon
It's crazy how right on that is. I mean...these summer nights are what make me feel alive. Spending time with my friends and being me.
I know that when it's time to grow up, I'm going to cry my eyes out. I'm already terrified...graduation is going to be so bittersweet.
We're going to have to say goodbye to so many people. most of them we will never see again. These people that we've grown up with...they won't be a part of our lives for much longer.
It's all coming so fast...too soon. I'm excited and I want to live in the moment and love it...but it's passing by me faster than I realized. I'm scared.
Thank you to everyone that has been a part of my life the last 17 years. Especially Erin, Celisse, Andrew, Monica, Killian, Caitlin...you people have been with me for years and know me so well and know the memories that I'm talking about.
Here's to us, guys. Here's to the next year of our lives and enjoying every minute until childhood is over. And here's to making new memories, growing up, and moving on to the next chaper.
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| I stole a road sign! :) |
| 07.11.04 (10:19 pm) [edit] |
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Today was a really good day. I woke up late and lounged around the house for hours...it was fabulous. When I finally decided to go do something I headed over to Killian's house where we watched Gilmore Girls with her mommy and ate yummy pasta and broccoli. I heart Hillary's mommy :) We went to Sweets and met Roseanna there, ate donuts, and went to shivers for snokones. Scottie and Callie met us there, then we went back to Sweets and then they left. So Roxy, Hilly and I went to the top of Bed Bad and Beyond for a while...then we came back here and watched My Big Fat Greek Wedding. We took Roseanna home and then on t he way to Hillary's we saw a road sign that said "MEN WORKING" We both really wanted the sign...so we stopped to check it out. It was bolted to the stand, so we pulled the legs off and put the sign and the long thing it was bolted on in my car...it was hanging out the window which was very cool too. :) It was so exciting! We giggled a lot...It was liberating. hehe...even though it wasn't really STEALING it was still really exciting. It's now hanging in Hillary's room. :) I'm so excited!
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| Back to Summer :) |
| 07.11.04 (9:18 am) [edit] |
The last few days have been awesome.
After work on Friday, I picked up Monica and we hung out all day, went shopping, made dinner, ect. She spent the night. Liz came over for a bit too and ate with us, then went to work and then came back after work. Moni and I tried to watch Pocahontas but fell asleep...we were tired little kids. But we stayed up til 2:30...normally we're dead by 12. We're so old. So we wake up Saturday about noon, go get my paycheck, go to the bank to cash it and then to IHOP for a late breakfast :) it was muy dilicioso! Then we went shopping. I had every intention of buying a pair of chucks and a buttload of shoelaces, but instead I found a purse at Victoria's Secret and fell in love it with. It's beautiful and I had to have it. So I got the purse instead of the shoes. :) So then we went by Killian's house to say hi, took Roseanna home and then came back here for a bit when I got ready for the Java Jazz show. I took Moni home about 5.
I picked up Caitlin and we headed out of town. It was SO much fun! I love roadtrips with Caitlin. She always has something to say that makes me think. I love being with her. :) So we get to Spring about 7-ish and watch the show. BOS was pretty good...way to go guys. The other bands were great as well. I got CDs for both StarLit Summer and Black Box Objects. The lead singer of StarLit Summer kind of looks like Andrew from Something Corporate, and one of the band members was wearing a Piano Rock shirt, so right away I really liked them. hehe. Not to mention they're music was freakin awesome. Wootaloot! So we finally decide to leave around 10-ish. Hillary and Roseanna rode with us bc Hill's mom asked me to take them home so that they could leave early. No biggie...it was mucho fun. We stopped and ate at McDonalds. I was daring and had 10 nuggets and a fruit and yogurt parfeit. I was very proud o fmyself. Hillary got another MyScene doll! Her name is Chelsea. now we only need one more to finish the set! We're so dumb. Anyway...so we drove home and blasted The Starting Line, Yellowcard, and yes--The Spice Girls! It was great. Hillary also had a funny epiphany while riding in the car. "What would it be like if we all wore shoes but no clothes?" She explained her train of thought and I almost couldn't drive bc i was laughing so hard. That is one interesting chick, I tell ya. She makes me laugh. I love you, Hill! :)
Anyway, so we finally get back in town around midnight I guess. We drop Roseanna and Caitlin off at their houses. (I was supposed to spend the night with Cait, but I was SO tired. I really wanted to but I just wasnt up to it. Damn my being old and wearing out early.) Then I took Hillary home and she burned me a CD real quick and then I came home. Justin is in town and him and Lauren were here. Lauren was sleeping and Justin wanted to talk. So I layed in my bed and we talked for a bit until I fell asleep.
It really felt like summer the last couple days. It's been freakin awesome. And I'm so excited that I dont have to work mornings most of this week. I get to do a lot of afternoons which means I get to sleep in! Wootaloot for that!
Well kids...I'm off. It's been a while since I ate so I'm gonna see what I can do about that. :)
Have a good day!!
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| How beautiful is he? So beautiful |
| 07.09.04 (9:23 am) [edit] |
He's beautiful. His music is beautiful. He plays piano, and that's beautiful. Can I have him? He's my new love.
And finally the silence,
looking out
looking back across the sky,
Trying to find a meaning,
knowing that I just left it all behind
[b]Still I smell a lingering softness[/b]
Where did she go,
how did she go,
I wanna
I wanna know
I wanna know that she'll be coming
here to me
Come on,
[b]without you
I'll never feel the love inside of me
Come On, you know that we belong[/b]
come on, come on, come on, come on
Thinking back before her,
[b]I never knew the meaning of alone[/b]
Still the flag is feeling foreign,
I live the day to escape into a phone
Speaking of a world not real then
where did she go
how did she go,
I wanna
I wanna know
I wanna know that she'll be coming
here to me
Come on,
without you
I'll never feel the love inside of me
Come On, you know that we belong
come on, come on, come on, come on
[b]Cause each of the kisses and my heart missin [/b]. . .
She's coming,
She's coming here to me,
[b]I'm needing,
desiring to kiss [/b]her now,
[b]I'm living [/b]for her,
[b]breathing[/b] for her,
[b]singing[/b] for her fairytale.
Come on,
without you
I'll never feel the love inside of me
Come On, you know that we belong
come on, come on, come on, come on
Come on,
without you
I'll never feel the love inside of me
come on, come on, come on, come on
Come on
Isn't that absolutely beautiful?
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| Monica is Home!!! |
| 07.09.04 (8:57 am) [edit] |
Monica came home!! I'm so excited :) She was gone for WAY too long.
Lauren dyed my hair last night. My mom said I have to go back to brown before she will make the appt for my sr pics. So I dyed it back to brown...it's darker than my natural hair color, so I'm sure I'll end up dying it again before I get my pictures done. But it's brown, so mom will be happier about it. I really like it.
After we did my hair, Moni and I went to Andrew's to talk to Lynda bc I wanted to know which Tarot book she uses. She was doing a reading so we talked to Greg instead. I got the name of the book and Moni and I went to Half Price, but they didn't have it. So we went to Barne's and Noble and payed 10 extra bucks for it, but it was worth it. I'm going back to get my own cards today after I get paid. I'm also going to buy new pants, chucks and a bunch of shoe laces.
So after Barne's and Noble we went by potato shack so I could get some dinner an then went back to my house and did some readings. Then we just layed down on the living room floor and talked. We're such strange kids. I missed my Moni. I missed just sitting and talking with someone and not having to DO something. It was great. :)
Now I'm at work. I get off at 1:30 today. Actually Summer said she'd be here early so that I could leave a little early since I've been working so much the past couple weeks. Woot for a great boss.
I'm supposed to go to the lake with Hill and Court tomorrow morning...but I'm thinking I might not. I haven't slept in all week and I'm so tired. Plus I have to go to Killian's show tomorrow night and I don't want to be dead tired and fall asleep driving home and kill everyone...that would kinda suck...a lot. Plus the lake will always be there. Ah well...
Well kids, I'm off. I've got "work" to do. Ha, yeah, work...that's funny.
Ok, bye!
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| silly kids |
| 07.08.04 (7:55 am) [edit] |
I ended up going out last night anyway. I was going to go back to bed, and I tried to, but I kept getting distracted and getting up to do stuff. And of course I checked my messages on my phone and had quite a few from Liz and Hill...I mean Tony Hawk :) So I called them back and they were hanging out at Hilly's house...so I went over there in my pj's and it was fun. hehe. We went to Shivers and got snokones (go figure) and then went back to Hillary's and watched Friends. It was mucho fun. I went home about 1-ish, even though mom said to go home early. Oh well, since when do I go home when she tells me to? Yeah...exactly.
So now I'm at work...about to take my lunch break bc it's really slow and I'm bored. After work I have to go to the gyno which I'm not looking forward to. But oh well...There's no way around it. And they've already taken my blood so I'm in their trap! haha...wow.
Anyway...I'm gonna go take my lunch break. I'm thinking Subway today :)
I love you all!
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| "i'm just so tired. won't you sing me to sleep, and fly through my dreams?" |
| 07.07.04 (5:28 pm) [edit] |
so i woke up really freakin early this morning to go to the gyno, where they stuck needles in me and sucked out my blood. that was fun, oh wait... but i made my mommy buy me a chicken biscuit from chic fil a so i got something good out of it. :) i have to go back tomorrow for my "anual." my crazy mom is so paranoid. ah well, shit happens. at least its only once a year.
after the dr, i went to work where i actually had stuff to do today! of course, i still spent quite a bit of time online talking to people. woot for that. hehe.
after work, i went to lunch with my parents at cheddars. then my mom and i went to bed, bad, and beyond and looked at bed stuff. i was having "visions" of what my next room would be. i was walking around the store saying stuff like "i'm seeing pink and black iron accents." it was awesome...my mommy laughed at me a lot.
then we came home and i went to sleep. i just woke up...it was a fantastic nap. i'm going to go back to bed soon. boo on going out tonight...amy is going to spend some high quality time with her bed! :)
i have to go to work tomorrow from 9 to 2. i wasn't scheduled to work again until friday, but apparently something came up and i'm needed. that's the third time this week that i've worked when i wasn't scheduled to. i'm loving the hours and i'm sure my bosses are INCREDIBLY happy to have someone they can count on. hehe...i do wish i could sleep in tomorrow though. i'm not going to get to until sunday. i have work friday morning and then i'm going to the lake saturday with hillary, courtney, and some other people. of course it's my choice...but who can pass up the lake? :) hehe then saturday night is the BOS show at java jazz. i'm very excited :) caitlin is going with me! it will be mucho fun.
oh! my parents are going out of town tomorrow afternoon! they ended up not going out of town last weekend...so i'm very excited that they're taking a long weekend this time. they won't be home until sunday. this makes amy very happy. of course i have to keep the house PERFECT in case it is going to be shown this weekend, but oh well, i think i can do that. i'm just excited about being parentless for a while.
hokay, well i think i'm going to go back to bed. this post got long fast.
i love you! :)
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| i'm glad THAT'S off my chest |
| 07.07.04 (8:33 am) [edit] |
I finally talked to Killian last night about the stuff that has been bothering me. I was going to let it go. I had TOLD him I had been mad, but that I was over it and it wasn't important. Then last night he did some stuff that really pissed me off and I decided it was time to talk to him. So after he got home, we talked for quite some time. I had every intention of ripping his head off and yelling at him, but that didn't go as planned. By the time we talked, I had cooled off and was rational about the whole thing. We actually ended up having a REALLY good conversation. Not just about us...but about lots of things and the way we've been feeling lately. It was really nice...those are the moments that I'm always talking about when I talk about why I love him. And I guess moments really are enough. With Killian they are anyway...he doesn't show his emotions much but I KNOW he loves me and is protective and cares about me. And ya know, if he's an ass sometimes...its ok. Because I'm a bitch sometimes, and we call each other on it. I'm glad I finally told him how I feel. or felt I guess. Ya know, as much as I talk about who my real friends are and as much as I contemplate it...you'd think I'd learn to appreciate him more. I guess it takes getting INCREDIBLY mad at someone to realize how much they mean to you sometimes. And I'm sure that I won't be getting mad at him again any time soon. We made a little compromise about the stuff that bugs us...we're going to try really hard to keep the other person in mind and not do those things....I love working things out. I'm so happy :)
I love you, Killico! :)
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| stealing is my hobby |
| 07.06.04 (9:37 am) [edit] |
I took this from Liz's blog. I LOVE it. I'm going to bold all of the ones that apply to me, just because I'm cool like that! :)
YOU KNOW YOU GREW UP IN THE 80'S OR EARLY 90'S IF:
[b]1. You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE".[/b]
2. You watched the Pound Puppies.
[b]3. You can sing the rap to the "Fresh Prince of BelAir"..and can do the Carlton.[/b]
[b]4. Girls wore biker shorts under their skirts and felt stylishly sexy.[/b]
[b]5. You yearned to be a member of the Baby-Sitters club and tried to start a club of your own.[/b]
[b]6. You owned those lil' Strawberry Shortcake pals scented dolls.[/b]
[b]7. You know that "WHOA" comes from Joey on Blossom.[/b]
[b]8. Two words.."Hammer Pants".[/b]
[b]9. If you ever watched "Fraggle Rock".[/b]
[b]10. you had plastic streamers on your handle bars..and spokey-dokes or playing cards on your spokes for that incredible sound effect.[/b]
[b]11. you can sing the entire theme song to "Ducktales" (woo ooh!)[/b]
[b]
12. when it was actually worth getting up early on Saturday to watch cartoons. [/b]
[b]13. you wore a ponytail on the side of your head.[/b]
[b]14. you saw the original "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" on the big screen..and still know the turtles names.[/b]
[b]
15. you got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.[/b]
[b]16. you made your mom buy one of those clips that would hold your shirt in a knot on the side.
17. you played the game "MASH (mansion, apartment, shelter, house)[/b]
18. you wore stonewashed Jordache jeans and were proud of it.
[b]19. L.A Gear..need i say more[/b]
20. you wanted to change your name to "JEM" in kindergarten. (She's truly outrageous)
[b]21. you remember reading "Tales of the fourth grade nothing" and all the Ramona books[/b].
[b]22. you know the profound meaning of "wax on, wax off"[/b]
23. you wanted to be a Goonie.
[b]24. you ever wore fluorescent clothing. (some of us..head to toe)[/b]
[b]25. you can remember what Michael Jackson lookedlike before his nose fell off and his cheeks shifted.[/b]
[b]26. you have ever pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.[/b]
27. you took lunch boxes to school...and traded Garbage Pail Kids in the schoolyard.
[b]28. you remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets.
29. you sitll get the urge to say "NOT" after every sentence.[/b] (on occasion :))
30. you remember Hypercolor t-shirts.
[b]31. Barbie & the Rockers was your favorite band.[/b] (i still have one of the tapes)
32. You thought She-ra (princess of Power!) and He-man should hook-up.
[b]33. you thought your childhood friends would never leave b/c you exchanged handmade friendship bracelets.
34. you ever owned a pair of Jelly-Shoes. (and like #24, probably in neon colors too!)
35. after you saw Pee-Wee's Big Adventure you kept sayng "I know you are, but what am I"
36. you remember "I've fallen and I cant get up"
37. you remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates.
38. you ever got seriously injured on a Slip and Slide.
39. you have ever played with a Skip-It.[/b]
[b]40. you had or attended a birthday party at Mcdonalds
41. you've gone through this nodding your head in agreement.[/b]
42. you remember Popples.
[b]43. "dont worry, be happy"[/b]
44. you wore like, EIGHT pairs of socks over tights with high top Reeboks.
[b]45. you wore socks scrunched down (and sometimes still do..getting yelled at by younger hip memebers on the family)[/b]
[b]46. "miss mary mack mack mack, all dressed in black black black"[/b]
[b]47. you remember watching both "Gremlins" movies.[/b]
48. you remember boom boxes..and walking around with one on your shoulder like you were all that.
[b]49. you remember watching "Rainbow Bright" and "My Little Pony Tales".[/b] (*sings* my little pont taaaaaaaales!)
[b]50. you thought Doogie Howser/Samantha Micelli was hot.[/b] Dude...Doogie Howser WAS hot!
[b]51. you remember ALF, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac.[/b]
52. you remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool..and dont even flinch when people refer to them as "NKOTB"
[b]53. you know all the characters names & their life stories on "Saved by the Bell", the original class.[/b] (I was obsessed with that show...best ever!)
[b]54. you know all the words to Bon Jovi- "shot thru the heart"[/b]
[b]55. you just sang those words to yourself.[/b] :)
56. you remember watching Magic vs Bird
[b]57. homemade Levi shorts..(the shorter the better)[/b]
58. you remember when mullets were cool!
59. you had a mullet!
60. you still sing "we are the world"
[b]61. you tight rolled your jeans.[/b]
[b]62. you owned a banana clip.[/b]
63. you remember "where's the beef"
[b]64. you used to (and probably still do) say "what you talkin' about Willis?"[/b]
[b]65. you had big hair and you knew how to use it.[/b] (i had gigantic bangs)
[b]66. you're still singing shot thru the heart in your head, aren't you?[/b]
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| Another sunny day in Californ-i-a (or Texas...either way :) ) |
| 07.06.04 (8:11 am) [edit] |
I am at work again. wootaloot! I had yesterday off...it was very nice. i babysat my niece last night. she's so cute. her favorite movie is pocahontas. luke did something right, finally :) we watched it twice. that movie is the best ever!
i'm supposed to go to lunch with my mommy today. i'm excited. we never really get to spend any "girl time" together anymore. so we're gonna go to lunch and then to bed, bath and beyond to look at that bed stuff i want. it was funny yesterday...mom, dad, luke and i were sitting in the living room and i mentioned that luke and dad were just alike and he looked over to me and mom and said "well i'm looking at the exact same thing right now." its true...luke is dad, i am mom, and justin is just kinda out there in his own little world. he's the one that's searching for deeper meaning in life. i am too, to an extent, but the boy contemplates these things all the time. it's awesome. my family cracks me up. we're all so alike and so different at the same time.
i talked to celisse last night :) it had been a while. we talked about school, old relationships, growing up...made me realize how wonderful of friends her and erin were. i started thinking about who REALLY knows me and who will always know me even after i grow up and change. Erin and Celisse are two people that will definitely be a part of my life..even if we eventually stop talking. They were my best friends for four years and they know more about me than almost anyone...except like Andrew who knows more about me than even I do :) And of course Monica. :) It's awesome to have people that really KNOW me and I don't have to impress or put a mask on for. I love that I can go months without talking to Celisse and then when we talk it's just like old times. Woot for friends that will always have a special place in my heart :)
"I'm falling into memories of you and things we used to do." --Yellowcard :)
Funny how sometimes you just slip back into old habits, ya know. I've been doing that recently. I actually just did it this week. I got back into my whole taking my anger towards myself out of other people...normally it's andrew but this time it was Killian. poor boy. I was talking to Andrew about it last night. He says I'm improving :) Which I have to say, I definitely agree with. I've gotten so much better since Jr. High...good god i was a totally different person.
Ya know how people say these are the best years of our lives? That's kind of a let down... I mean, if this is all there is, then the next 60 or 70 years are gonna filled with so much heartache and pain. Perhaps college is the best time of our lives. I hope so...I hope this isn't all there is. Highschool isn't all it's cracked up to be. All in all it's been good, but when I think about each individual year...it just sucked.
Not to sound ungrateful or anything though. I know my life is good. Sure I have tons of shit going on and I'm stressed most of the time. I have horrible mood swings where I hate the world for weeks, but all in all my life is happy. I have great family and friends and wonderful opportunities to be whatever I want to be. I guess this is just life, eh? I'm still figuring out how to live, I guess. This world is a crazy thing.
I love you! :)...and yes, I mean YOU.
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| color my love |
| 07.05.04 (5:47 pm) [edit] |
hey kids. today was good. i woke up late...12:30. it was nice. :) spent some time with justin. luke, tara, and the kids came over. we ate dinner with them. after that, liz came over and we wrote a letter to christopher michael. :) then we took lots of goofy pictures to send him with the letter. it will be very exciting to get a letter back from him.
kyra is spending the night tonight. katy has a doctors appt in houston in the morning, so kyra is staying here and we're taking her to school in the morning. tara said this dr appt is just to check and make sure the chemo is doing what its supposed to do. they'll check her white count and do a quick check. she seems to be doing alright. the chemo has no harsh side effects like the chemo momo had. it's comforting. i'm anxious to see what the doctors say tomorrow.
mis padres are going out of town this weekend! :) i love it when they leave. hehe...it's gonna be great. i'll be out of town for part of the time too, so that'll be exciting. i'm going to the Based On Something show at Java Jazz on Saturday. i'm mucho excited.
well kids, i think i'm off for today. not a lot happened today, and i'm tired so i dont have a whole lot of deep thoughts going on in my head tonight. hehe.
goodnight, kids. much love to you all.
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| what a wonderful night! |
| 07.04.04 (11:45 pm) [edit] |
Oh, tonight was SO great! Well, the whole day was just good. I woke up at like 11:30, chatted with Justin and the parents, went back to sleep, woke up at 4 for dinner, and then napped a little more. Then I went over to Hillary's and Liz, Killian, Liz, and I went to George Bush Library to see the fireworks. Killian ditched us, and we got bored...so we went to Lake Bryan and hung out with some friends. We had to leave though bc cops found some ppl shooting up in the bathroom. How dumb can you possible be? So everyone had to leave... Hill, Liz and I went to McDonalds and got Happy Meals and Icecream! We also got these really great barbie and tony hawk toys. Nolee and Tony are having a passionate love afair...it's awesome. So then we went back to Hill's and hung out for a bit. Killian came home and I went and talked to him bc it had been a while. I was mad at him for a good 3 or 4 days and I wanted to go see him bc I got over it yesterday. So we hung out and I'm definitely NOT mad at him. I LOVE my Killian and nothing can change that. I just sat there talking to him and I was like...how could I be so dumb to think that I wasn't going to be friends with him anymore? Even though he shows it funny...we're great friends and we have good times together. Even if he doesn't like to admit it. :) Anyway...moving along from the sap. So Joe came over and he hung with us for a bit.... I finally decided to go home around 2-ish, and here I am. :) Today was just all in all a great day.
Oh, Hillary and I flew! Liz did too...but Hill and I did it together. hehe...we're awesome. I love you kids!
And I love you too, Killian :) You know you're smiling right now...you can't help it. Don't fight it, you're blushing. :) hehe...you love me too, silly boy!
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| i'm so dumb... |
| 07.03.04 (11:55 am) [edit] |
Liz is a genius.
I'm emo
I'm a pussy
Nothing is ever gonna change...why fight it?
It's only a year and I LOVE him, damnit.
I'm done hating him for now.
Amazing how simple that was....
I have to laugh about it. :)
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| sigh |
| 07.03.04 (8:11 am) [edit] |
slow days at work depress me. i just sit here...
there hasn't been one phone call, one customer come in, one payment...nothing.
its so quiet. even with my music on, its just so quiet and alone. i have to be here until 5. i love my job, but days like this are just depressing. too much time with myself is dangerous for me. it gives me too much time to think...and be emo. gah.
and of course that stupid boy hasn't called me to see what i needed to talk about. he's so dumb. he's gonna not call me back and ruin the chance i was giving him to redeam himself. but i was talking to liz last night...and i just realized that i can never NOT be friends with him. i will always want to drop by his house and see what he's doing or call his cell just to make fun of him. he's my weakness and i can't stop loving him.
would someone whip me up some of that "i hate him" juice that's been going around? lots of people seem to have gotten their hands on it lately, and i'm left in the dark. hook me up, kids.
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| View From Heaven |
| 07.03.04 (7:04 am) [edit] |
I'm just so tired
[b]Won't you sing me to sleep
Fly through my dreams[/b]
So I can hitch a ride
With you tonight
And get away from this place
Have a new name and face
[b]I just ain't the same without you in my life[/b]
[b]Late night drives
All alone in my car[/b]
I can't help but start
Singing lines
From all our favorite songs
And there are melodies in the air
Singing Life just ain't fair
[b]But sometimes I still just can't
Believe you're gone[/b]
[b]And I'm sure the view from heaven
Beats the hell out of mine here
And if we all believe in heaven
Then we will make it through
One more year, down here[/b]
[b]I Feel your fire when it's cold in my heart[/b]
And things sorta start reminding me
Of my last night with you
[b]I only need one more day
Just one more chance to say
I wish that I had gone up with you too[/b]
[b]And I'm sure the view from heaven
Beats the hell out of mine here
And if we all believe in heaven
Then we will make it through
One more year, down here[/b]
[b]You won't be coming back
And I didn't get to say goodbye
I really wish I got to say goodbye[/b]
[b]And I'm sure the view from heaven
Beats the hell out of mine here
And if we all believe in heaven
Then we will make it through
One more year, down here[/b]
I hope that all is well in heaven
Cause it's all shot to hell down here
[b]I hope that I find you in heaven
Cause I'm so lost without you down here[/b]
[b]You won't be coming back[/b]
And I didn't get to say goodbye
I really wish I got to say goodbye
Yellowcard seems to know how i feel about everything recently. Friends, stupid boys, Momo... They've got it all covered.
I love you, Momo.
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| open arms |
| 07.02.04 (12:13 pm) [edit] |
i've spent most of today trying to teach myself html. it's very difficult. i've pretty much gotten my blog to be the way i want it to be. however, i can't figure out how to get stuff to the right of the entries. anyone care to help me out with this? it's all very complicated.
anyway...
i can't stop thinking about him. :? it makes me sad. you know how when you can't get someone off your mind and it just hurts. and you go to sleep to get some relief but when you wake up it just starts all over again? that's how i am right now. and if it was because i LIKED him it wouldn't be that big of a deal. i love it when i can't get someone off my mind because i like them. but that's not the case. he hurt me and i can't stop thinking about it. i'm possibly going to stop being friends with one of my best friends ever and it's killing me. why do the right things always have to be the hardest things? i will miss him. i figure...either way i go i'm going to get hurt. he's hurt me for the last four years and that's not going to stop. but its going to hurt so bad to say goodbye. i wish he would fight for me. i wish i could say what i need to say and slap some sense into him and have him beg me for my forgiveness and ask me to not leave him. i don't think its going to happen though. thats not like him. he's too proud for his own good. i think he'll just sit there in shock and then get defensive.
ahhh...this kills me. :cry:
i love you too much for my own good.
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| wootaloot! :) |
| 07.02.04 (8:29 am) [edit] |
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hey kids...i'm teaching myself html, so some of the things on my blog have been taken away for now. the music, chatterbox, and all that other fun stuff will be back shortly. and once i'm done...my blog will be beautimous!!!
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| Songs for the one who won't leave |
| 07.01.04 (4:41 pm) [edit] |
"You called me out
You stayed inside
One you love
Is where you hide
[b]Shot me down as I flew by[/b]
[b]Crash and burn
I think sometimes you forget where the heart is[/b]
I'll Take you away from that empty apartment
You stay and forget where the heart is
[b]Someday if ever you love me you'd say it's okay[/b]
Waking up from this nightmare
How's your life, what's it like there?
Is it all what you want it to be?
[b]Does it hurt when you think about me?
And how broken my heart is[/b]
I'll Take you away from that empty apartment
You stay and forget where the heart is
[b]Someday if ever you love me you'd say it's okay[/b]
[b]It's okay to be angry and never let go
It only gets harder the more that you know[/b]When you get lonely if no one's around
You know that I'll catch you when you're falling down
[b]We came together but you left alone[/b]
And I know how it feels to walk out on your own
[b]Maybe someday I will see you again
And you'll look me in my eyes and call me your friend[/b]"
"Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you"
"Now we've all grown up, gone on and moved away
[b]Nothing I can do about it, nothing I can say[/b]
To bring us back to where we were when life was not this hard
[b]Looking back it all just seems so far, so far away[/b]
We'll be [b]miles apart[/b]
I'll keep you deep inside
You're always in my heart
[b]A new life to start
I may be leaving but you're always in my heart[/b]"
"Clenching the water there is no grip
[b]Always knew there would be an end to this trip[/b]
Take in the ice he feels no pain
[b]All is lost only to his gain [/b]
[b]Forever is too long to wait[/b]
But you had to take that great escape
Tries to fly only to find he will hit the ground
With one motion it comes to an end so [b]goodbye my friend[/b]
[b]Remember the days[/b] we stared at the sky
At the clouds and ships that passed us by
The monkey bars and the jungle gym
Seemed too high too high for him"
I could cry...but I think I'm all out of tears. I hate goodbyes. I'll miss you, my friend.
Won't you please just fight for me? Show me that boy I knew you used to be?
You loved me once. I love you too. But sometimes, love isn't worth all the pain.
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| speaking of beauty |
| 07.01.04 (7:55 am) [edit] |
obviously, i've been thinking a lot about beauty lately. i can't help it...it just seems to be on my mind.
i'll tell what's beautiful.
today i got to work and Zoey (she's 3) ran up to me and hugged me and wanted to sit in my lap and go through my purse. she does this every day. every day she asks me the same questions. "what is this?" "what does this do?" "whose cd is this?" "can i hear it?" "can you wear this?" same things every day. and yet she's still so fascinated by it every time. that's purity at it's best. a child's innocence is one of the most beautiful things on earth. i wish we could hold on to that innocence as we got older. i prided myself in staying naive and innocent for a very long time. i still have some of that innocence, but every time i do something to make some of it slip away, i want to slap myself. i remember being a kid and being fascinated by everything i saw and everything i learned. now i look at the world and see pain and suffering. it's hard to see the beauty unless i look for it. i rarely have those zen, spiritual moments with the world anymore. i miss them. but i figure, even if i don't have the innocence to hold on to, i can see it in the eyes of zoey...and my nieces. and eventually justin will have kids. i will have kids. and someday my nieces will have kids. and the world will be full of innocence and beauty because there are always children. isn't that a comforting feeling?
any time you have a question about the world, just go ask a child. they'll give you the best, most honest answer.
real beauty is inside...where your inner child lies. you know, the one that runs laps around the car at a gas station, or loves to have disney movie marathons, or laughs for hours at simply nothing. look inside yourself...it's there. even if you have to search for it...there is beauty in all of you.
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CeruleanDream.com
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